November 2015
Dear Dad,
I’m writing you on the anniversary of your passing to celebrate and honor you. The best way to do that is by telling you about what I have learned from you and how I am passing it on. A couple of years ago I started talking about my ideas for training The Gentle Man, and I am making it a reality. As it turns out, most of my ideas and methods, stem from your life’s work. My ideas come from the question: how can we make it more attractive for guys to show their compassionate side? I want to empower boys and men to find their Gentle Man side, which I believe everyone has, but don’t always like to show. How am I going to do this? I’m going to do my best Bernie Reisman imitation, which won’t take a lot of extra effort as many of your great traits and values are part of who I already am.
Here is an example of one of the workshops I conducted at the Jewish overnight camp where this idea got started. As you used to say, there are no coincidences, and so it was no coincidence that my very first workshop was on what would have been your 86th birthday. The workshop was for the CIT’s, identifying the qualities of their positive Gentle Man role models. As you will see, the workshop has Bernie written all over it, as these are all things you talk about in your book “The Jewish Experiential Book” (and what you did all of your life):
1) I structured the environment by having them sit in a circle. This made us all equals, and encouraged everyone to become actively engaged.
2) I spoke personally about myself, and you as my role model. I demonstrated how to share, without telling them what to say. I did this so they could feel that we were all equals and that I respected and encouraged their opinions.
3) I posed the question “Who has been the most positive Gentle Man in your life?” We went around the room and each guy introduced himself and identified their Gentle Man role model (with no other explanation).
4) I posed the question again with instructions to pair up with a partner, preferably someone they didn’t know well, and talk about their role model for five minutes, while their partner listened. They spoke about the qualities that made this person such a good role model. Then they switched, giving each person the chance to talk and listen for five minutes.
5) Then we came together as a full group to list those qualities. Of course we used large newsprint paper (as you would have), and had one of the group members serve as the scribe.
6) We discussed each quality, evaluated the session, gave the guys a chance to give feedback about how this activity impacted them, what they learned, and what they could do today after the workshop to demonstrate one quality of a positive role model.
Sound familiar, Dad? This is your impact on me. These are the skills and lessons you taught to your family and your students at Brandeis University for 30 years. I feel that I pay tribute to you each time I get up to speak. You were the one to teach me when I was in high school that if you are going to take a risk, you may as well do it big, so that if you fail, at least you know you gave it your best.
You came to Camp Kingswood one summer when I was a counselor there, and were going to tell the kids about your experiences in Russia delivering books to Refusniks. I couldn’t image these kids, ages 7 – 17, having the slightest interest in the topic, and assumed that they would be bored to tears. Not only were they not bored, but they were captivated by your presentation and were on the edges of their seats listening. Afterwards, I came up to you and asked “How the hell did you do that??” Like a star struck sports fan meeting his hero, I wanted to know how I could someday captivate an audience like you had just done. I did not know it at the time, but now I realize this was what I wanted to be able to do, just like my hero, my Dad.
For years, I sat on the sidelines, unknowingly soaking up everything you did, so that someday I could be just like you. I think I have figured out my goal and am ready to make my impact on the world. I want to be in front of an audience to share what I have learned over the past 58 years. I have lived all of my life as a Gentle Man, but I never consciously thought about training others to become Gentle Men.
And just this past week, I started my first Gentle Man group; and by no coincidence it happened just a few days after the anniversary of your passing four years ago.
Dad, I do this to honor your life’s work, and in your style, because long ago at Camp Kingswood you demonstrated what works.
I miss you, and know that you are up there kvelling about the good I am doing. I also believe that you are as proud of the beautiful family that I have created as I am! I feel your pride, your love, your support, and your presence every day.
With love,
your son,
Eric